Part 4 : The Pool
Remember when we were in the pool last summer.
I was hungry
sad from not being touched for months.
Somehow the feeling of what would happen tasted familiar in my throat,
So I threw my head back to laugh,
acknowledge the dark violet cycle we fell into for a while
- the cough syrup that made me sick with love for you,
and welcome it back just for tonight.
I suddenly wanted water all over me.
I wanted silence
I wanted coolness on my skin.
I got up, I was holding her hand, we were in the water together,
head down hair wet and there was no noise.
I felt the boy's eyes watching me.
I liked them watching and knowing they would never touch me.
I never wanted them to touch me.
Her hands found my arms tugged me close.
Our bare limbs, touching, her legs suddenly around my waist.
We felt bony, naked, alone in the slow motion water.
Making me move slow.
I didn’t want her, but I wanted to pull long hair that felt like her’s, like the girl I actually want.
This is how it always went
I wanted something that resembled something I could love,
Have I manipulated you?
Can you possibly be manipulated?
I just wanted someone’s ass against me.
I wanted someones mouth on my neck,
not to look at their face,
she she whoever this is, is not who I want
you’re still not her
If you were taller,
and not as quick to smile
I can pretend, that what we are doing
Breath in ear, is mutual
That this about me,
maybe you always knew
Are we in sync pinned against each other, or are we just drunk?
The boys watched, and you grabbed me harder
That’s why, and that’s okay
We’re both fucking for somebody else